Ways to take the high road during conflict
INDIANAPOLIS (WISH) — Conflict is an unavoidable part of life, but how we navigate it can shape our sense of self and our relationships with others.
Dr. Danielle Henderson is a clinical psychologist at Indiana University. She joined News 8 at Daybreak to discuss how we can take the high road during times of stress and conflict.
“Our brains do the best they can to protect us and keep us safe,” Henderson said. “There are parts of our brain that light up and activates when it senses we’re upset.”
Henderson says our brains are wired to respond intensely to perceived threats.
When the threat system is engaged, we may experience emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, or disgust. In these heightened emotional states, our capacity for critical thinking diminishes, often leading to reactions we later regret. Recognizing this automatic response can help us better understand our triggers.
In contrast, when the safeness system is activated, we feel calm and connected. This system produces beneficial hormones like oxytocin and endorphins, promoting a broader perspective and more flexible thinking. Engaging this system allows us to tap into our most compassionate selves.
“Figuring out what kind of situations where I am calm and my brain is a little less activated by those fear systems and how can I dig into those in times of conflict,” Henderson said. “What happens to my body in times of conflict and how can I get prepared, maybe its harder for me to deal with conflict when I want to when I have not gotten enough sleep or I’m not hydrated or when I have not had my nutrition.”
To manage conflict effectively, Henderson suggests beginning by getting curious about your triggers. Reflect on situations that have previously made you feel threatened or angry. Instead of self-criticism, cultivate curiosity about these triggers and consider making a list of common scenarios that tend to provoke strong emotions in you.
Next, cultivate emotional awareness. Once triggered, pay attention to the emotions you’re experiencing. The sooner you recognize feelings like anger, the sooner you can take constructive action. Use mindful breathing techniques to check in with yourself, noticing physical sensations and thoughts.
Finally, practice calming techniques. When you feel triggered, consciously slow down the situation. Dr. Henderson said the pause can help you respond more thoughtfully.
She says that by employing compassion-based techniques, we can handle conflicts in ways that make us proud of our responses.
Watch the full interview above to learn more.