As lovely as the holidays can be, they usually also come with a healthy dose of stress that comes from dealing with difficult family members. Whether it’s the uncle that won’t stop talking politics or the sister-in-law that is certain she knows more about everything than anyone else, there are plenty of opportunities to practice your communication skills, and your patience! 

While there’s no magic pill that can make difficult family members more pleasant, knowing how you can communicate effectively can help make your holidays more enjoyable. 

Lisa Mitchell, Communications Expert and Founder of Power Body Language, shares 3 ways you can use to make it to the pumpkin pie without punching anyone!:

1. Pick The Right Seat: Where you sit and how you position yourself in relation to the difficult family member can make your experience better. For someone that has a tendency to be confrontational, you’ll want to choose a seat that is beside them as opposed to being directly across from them which is perceived as a more adversarial position.  Sitting on the literal same side as someone who likes to stir up controversy can help defuse the tension and can have you seen as being “on their side” not just physically but also in viewpoint. 

2: Frame the conversation in a positive way: By taking the lead in the conversation and framing it in positive way, it’s harder for your grumpy uncle to hijack the conversation with a negative spin. One technique is to start the conversation by asking a question such as “what are you working on right now that you’re excited about?” or inquiring what they think was the best part of a recent trip, project, or other positive experience that they’ve had recently. By framing your question with words like “excited” and “best part” or “enjoyable”, you’re leading them into a positive response and lighting up the parts of their brain that are associated with reward centers and good feelings. 

3. Show them you’re listening (even if you’d rather not be): In many cases, difficult family members just want to feel like someone is listening to them and that they are really being heard. This can be a difficult need to meet when you’d rather not be listening to whatever craziness they are talking about, but they don’t need to know that. You can use a non-verbal technique called the head tilt & triple nod to convey active listening and empathy, even if you’re not feeling particularly engaged or empathetic. 

Connect with Lisa at www.powerbodylanguage.com or @lisamitchellindy on Instagram.